My MLIS Degree Studies: No Rocky Balboa Here!

On Thursday I finished my final quarter of the school year. As usual, I dragged myself across the finish line. I didn’t finish in a blaze of glory. I didn’t climb the proverbial staircase, punching my fists in the air, shouting, “Yeaaaaaahhhhh!” with the lyrics Eye of the Tiger playing in the background. No, it was a much more pathetic affair, one that has become my signature style over the past two years. There has not been one single quarter that started off well, didn't stumble along, and/or didn't end with a flop. Here is a recount of my last two years as a Master’s in Library and Information Science student:

First Quarter, Fall 2011:

My computer’s mainframe fried just two weeks prior to the start of my first quarter. I had no money and I was understandably frantic. I considered renting a laptop, but I am not a fan of renting shit to own. I mean, it’s such a fucking rip-off, you know? I didn’t have any money in savings (what’s new?), so that wasn’t an option. I spoke with my brother and he mentioned that Best Buy has financing deals in which if you paid off the full amount within two years interest would not accrue. I went. I applied. I qualified. I bought. I brought the laptop home and spent hours downloading all of the free Microsoft Office software I had access to as a University of Washington student, only to find out shortly thereafter that the CD-ROM drive did not work. I had to take the computer back the next day and exchange it for a new one and start the process all over again.

My boyfriend of only 2 months proposed.

Second Quarter, Winter 2012: :

My now fiancé was experiencing strained relationships with a number of my family members and I couldn’t determine what the fuck was really going on. It was all so confusing and I couldn’t tell who was being unreasonable: my fiancé, my family, me, or all of us. It was bizarre. And all of that shit, which I probably won’t ever care to write about because it’s in the past and done, is for another post…which again, will never be written.

Anyway, at the same time my grandma suffered a serious heart attack. Within a few weeks she passed away. Dead Grandma. Strained relationships with my family to the point where we’re not really talking and my brother de-friends me on Facebook, and people or me, or whoever or whatever, seems to all be falling apart and going mental. And while all of this craziness is going on, I’m trying to find a small, sane spot within me to plug away and get my studies done (successfully). Oh yea, and work three jobs. But that’s neither here nor there, right? Psshhht.

Third Quarter, Spring 2012:

My fiancé and I were planning a wedding. And I was dealing with the continuing saga with my family. In April I got married. For now this seemed to be the sanest of quarters (although far from sane) of my MLIS experience; yet, that soon was to change. Josh, my now husband (Der der der der! Sorry, I can’t hide my sarcasm knowing now what I didn’t know then) was having difficulties at work. He’d come home all heated and I would have to remind him, “Even if you are right and have a valid point, it’s all in your delivery. People aren’t going to work with you and listen to you if you’re acting like an ass.” I further reminded him, “We can’t afford for you to lose this job. Where would we go?” Just a short aside here, but Josh and I had been living with my parents until he landed this apartment maintenance job in January, and part of his compensation was an apartment. But he just couldn’t get his shit together. One morning while subbing I checked my phone during lunch. There was a text message from Josh that stated, “I hate to tell you this, but I got fired today.” The apartments wanted us out by the end of the week. I knew this was against the law and that we should have 30 days. I kept insisting that he talk with his employer and assert that we knew our rights. We needed time. I was working two jobs *and* going to school full-time. There was no time to get packed up, figure out where we were going, and get going by the weekend. I asked Josh to also research our legal rights further and take care of other stuff while I was at work on the following days, but he never did. He was able to buy us two weeks’ time. This all coincided with the final weeks of school for me. I asked Josh to pack things up while I was at work because I wouldn’t have the time to do it. But he kept putting it off. Most stuff didn’t get packed until the day before or the day we had to move. Thank God for my friend, Rachel, who came through on a pinch!

Fourth Quarter, Fall 2012:

Josh and I were living back with my parents. At this point I was working at the library, working my online job, substitute teaching, and taking a full course load. I figured this quarter would finally be the quarter in which things went smoothly. But I kept getting pressure from my family that things weren’t right. My mom, a stay-at-home mom, was able to see things that I couldn’t since I wasn’t physically home nearly as often as her. My mom and I were increasingly getting into arguments where she’d actually physically grab me to force me to stay and listen to her, and I thought she was just being emotional and going a little crazy. But no one came to me with any physical proof/evidence, so I didn’t know what they knew. And the whole time I’m stuck in the middle, between Josh and my family and I feel myself slowly going insane, feeling like I’m living in the Twilight Zone, not knowing who to believe, not knowing who to trust. And this whole time I’m just keeping my head down, trying to make it day by day.

Fifth Quarter, Winter 2013:

My eyes were starting to open up to the reality of Josh, what he was really all about, so that when my family finally came to me with the evidence, I was ready to listen. I quickly determined to confront Josh, telling him I knew the truth and that he had to leave. He moved out on January 8th, I filed for divorce a month later, and it was finally granted on May 14th. It was also during this quarter that I started to suffer cognitively. I felt extremely fatigued, and not just an extreme tiredness, but something much more than that. I had a very difficult time thinking, concentrating, and problem solving. When people would ask me if they could get me anything, I'd blurt out, "Yea, a slap in the face!" This was not something I was used to requesting, so it was quite perplexing. I felt like I was in a dense fog and needed someone to slap me awake or to throw cold water in my face. I finally went to the doctor and was found to be extremely Vitamin B12 deficient, and I was suffering from Vitamin D and iron insufficiencies. I was so bad off, that despite the doctor's insistence that it would take time for me to feel better once I started taking supplements, I started to quickly feel better after beginning my new vitamin regimen. To get through this difficult time I focused on my studies and going to work and lying low.

Sixth Quarter, Spring 2013:

I started out this quarter very strong, my strongest yet. I continued to work three jobs while taking a full class load. I was extremely tired but I knew that the long hours and hard work were only temporary, so I kept plugging away. I also had an awesome incentive: A trip to Hawaii in July! All of this came to a screeching halt when I received an email the last week of school, from my online employer, stating that my position was being terminated. I had an emotional breakdown and cancelled my trip. Now I have nothing on my mind but trying to enjoy my summer while finding other work. And I have come to the realization that there is no such thing as normal. Life is anything but. And the sooner I accept this and embrace it the better. My little rock under which I have tried so long to survive has been breached.

And I can't help but wonder, come September what will my final quarter bring me? Will it be my final glorious, I am a bad-ass! quarter? Meh. I'm not keeping my hopes up.